I Like You So Much It Hurts

Last Updated on Wednesday, 21 July 2010 10:37 Written by bryfy Wednesday, 21 July 2010 07:23

With Tu B’Av (the Festival of Love) just around the corner (July 26th) I wanted to share the following with you. Someone very close to me tells me during occasional tender moments, “I like you so much, it hurts.” I never quite understood the phrase, but maybe now I do – at least just a bit better than before. But before reading on, and despite what I am about to share with you, rest assured that my personal life is actually doing quite well – thanks for caring!

I guess liking someone so much that it hurts could happen for many reasons – but in this case, the object of my affection is just making it so difficult for me – that it actually hurts.

I’ve had a bad week with the object of my affection. In fact I’ve had a bad couple of months – perhaps even longer and I’ve just been in some sort of denial.

A few months ago I think that she made a series of big mistakes. If I were in her shoes, I would have acted differently. But, if I had decided to do what she did, then at the very least I would have made sure to explain myself to others – so they would then understand why I did what I did and not judge me so harshly. Sometimes perception is reality, and at the very least, she needed to acknowledge upfront that others were hurt by her actions.

Then last week, just when I was getting over the last watershed incident, she did something really stupid.  She basically decided to make a decision, or at least raise the possibility of making a decision that would alienate many of my friends – as if to say “I don’t really care about you as much as my kind.” What’s even worse is that this particular decision basically tells people that if they want to become more like the object of my affection that they have to change – and change in a particular way that is not compatible with the way others might want to. Her decision basically tells me that she doesn’t think that my friends matter as much as her friends – and that hurts!

The chutzpah! If she only would stop and think about what her decisions mean to a whole set of people a world away – a set of people who care so dearly, but for whom caring and supporting gets increasingly difficult with so many decisions she makes.

In this instance, though there might be time to change her mind, so I urge all of my friends to tell her that despite everything she can continue to mean so much if only she doesn’t make any rash decisions.

I spend so much of my time trying to get my friends to feel like they should get to know her better. I want them to meet her and develop a connection with her. It doesn’t need to be as strong as what I feel for her, but maybe, just maybe, get them to feel a little something special every time they think of her. But she had to go and screw things up – again.

So now I turn to you, the object of my affection and plead: Please know that there is someone over here who loves you very much. I know that you’re not perfect, but perhaps it’s because I recognize that you’re not perfect that I feel I know you even better than most. And despite these imperfections, I still love you.

But geez, you are sure making my life difficult these days. Please, help me out just a little bit every so often. I won’t forget that you also make me proud and inspire me and get me excited every time I hear your name. But you have to recognize that if you sometimes try just a little bit harder, there will be many more people out there who will like you –perhaps even love you – just like I do.

(If you have read this far and the object of my affection is still unknown to you – then perhaps the ambiguous nature of the blog entry was too much. If by now you have worked out that it is Israel with whom I am both enamored and frustrated then maybe you too are experiencing the same love tensions that I am with this country.)



6 Comments

  1. The one who sits across the hall from you   |  Wednesday, 21 July 2010 at 9:32 am

    I feel your pain – and I appreciate your deep level of angst, caring, and reflection – I wish your friend had a personal life coach soften the rough edges so evident sometimes..
    But there is one thing I am sure about – and that is that your beloved friend could stand on her head – beg, plead, explain, and lay bare her deepest regrets – and still she would not be heard by most – her voice swept away with the morning trash –
    The problem she has right now, I believe, is that she is never heard and so has stopped hearing.

  2. Tweets that mention Bryfy.net -- Topsy.com   |  Wednesday, 21 July 2010 at 10:52 am

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  3. The one who up until 2 weeks ago sat at the desk outside your office (and called you "boss..." ; )   |  Wednesday, 21 July 2010 at 2:28 pm

    You know those voice synthesizers that are used when people lose their ability to speak due to various illnesses, throat cancer, paralysis, ALS etc…? The text- to-speech technology gives thoughts a voice basically and comes in variety of gender/voices, and accents.
    This entry literally did just that for me (except this one didn’t sound like Stephen Hawkin but rather, featured a male/Australian accent). lol

    Great entry!
    Ambiguous? Heck NO! As soon as the “object of affection” is introduced, it is clear who the heartbreaker is and I know because she has done (and continues to do) the same to me…

    I consider myself as one that doesn’t think critically when it comes to Israel, I am a typical Jewish mother that loves her “child“ no matter what.
    I love her unconditionally, I miss her when I’m away, I worry that she has enough water to drink, I advocate for her and pray for her well being.
    Occasionally, I send her some money, I share proudly and show off her successes as if they’re mine, and although she could easily be rendered a drama queen and provocative, I am overly forgiving and quite often look the other way when she misbehaves.
    And, I too, want all my friends to love her as much as I do…a task that is becoming more and more difficult.
    Yes I agree this love hurts ALOT
    But it is mine;ours and its all we got…

    “Ein lee eretz acheret gam eem Admaty boeret…Be`guf koev…Kan hu beity…“ (Ehud manor).

  4. The one who up until 2 weeks ago sat at the desk outside your office (&called you "boss...")   |  Wednesday, 21 July 2010 at 2:53 pm

    You know those voice synthesizers that are used when people lose their ability to speak due to various illnesses, throat cancer, paralysis, ALS etc…? The text- to-speech technology gives thoughts a voice basically and comes in variety of gender/voices, and accents.
    This entry literally did just that for me!
    (except this one didn’t sound like Stephen Hawkin but rather, featured a male/Australian accent). lol

    “Ambiguous” you wonder? Heck NO!
    As soon as the “object of affection” is introduced, it is clear who the heartbreaker is and I know because she has done (and continues to do) the same to me…

    I consider myself as one that doesn’t think critically when it comes to Israel, I am a typical Jewish mother that loves her “child“.
    I love her unconditionally, I miss her when I’m away, I worry that she has enough water to drink, I pray for her well being, I advocate for her and occasionally, I send her money.
    I proudly share and show off her successes as if they’re mine, and although she could easily be rendered a drama queen, I am overly forgiving and quite often look the other way when she misbehaves. And, I too, want all my friends to love her as much as I do…a task that is becoming more and more difficult.

    Yes I agree this love hurts ALOT.
    But it is ours and its all we got…

    Ein lee eretz Acheret…Be`guf koev…Kan hu beity…“ (Ehud manor).

  5. Peter Eckstein   |  Wednesday, 21 July 2010 at 4:28 pm

    You expressed my feelings very eloquently. Thanks.

  6. Jewish Ideas Daily   |  Thursday, 22 July 2010 at 5:36 am

    Israel-Diaspora relations is a complex thing. Israel needs to do what is good for its citizens, not just what is good for Jews in other parts of the world.

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